I Wish I Would’ve Realized Then What I Realized Now

I rolled my eyes when my dad told me to wipe my seat at LAX airport. Fast forward two weeks and I’m sitting in a doctor’s room with a needle shoved in my arm and a cotton swab up my nose. 

COVID-19 has infected over 120,000 people in the United States. My only thought while pulling into the back parking lot of my mom’s doctor’s office, I could be part of that fast, increasing number. The nurse hands me a mask before telling me to not let air in or out.  

“Keep the top part of the mask squeezed around the bridge of your nose at all times, please,” the nurse said. 

I’m lead into the brick building, while my mom stays safe in the car. My anxiety rises as I’m met with masks and disapproving looks. I feel responsible, but I couldn’t pinpoint what. 

Suddenly, I’m sitting on a paper-covered exam table. The same nurse who took my temperature with a frown walks towards me with a cotton swab as her weapon of choice. The swab is stuck up my nose, and I can’t seem to remember a worse pain. Tears fill my eyes as I try to forget where I’m at. She shows no mercy when she pushes the same swab up my other nostril. The tears are back, but the nurse heads towards the door, leaving me alone. 

I could just walk out now and pretend I never got the fever, I think. 

My plans for escape were quickly interrupted by yet another nurse. This one seeming far more deadly and exhausted. I eye the needle and tube in her hand as she places herself next to me. 

“Do you have a preference for which arm?” she asked. 

My blood fills the tube and I refrain from looking. I feel myself start to sway when she says ‘all done’.

The doctor makes me take deep breathes that I don’t need. Then I’m free to go. 

“Just like that?” I asked. 

He nods and hands me a ‘how to self-quarantine’ sheet. 

I make my way back to my mom, replaying the last 15 minutes of my life through my head. 

“Did it hurt?” she asked. 

I nod, but I’m not sure if I mean physically or mentally. 

I wish I was back at LAX. I would’ve told the guy next to me to wipe his seat too.